dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
