there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
