I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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