Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
