sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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