dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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