But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
