O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
