Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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