Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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