Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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