I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
