dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
