haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
