Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
