I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
