that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
