During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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