Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
