At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
