im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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