Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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