I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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