I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
