I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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