Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
