So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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