I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
