Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
