I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
