U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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