Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
