Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
