You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
