dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
