Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you never un-have a 4some
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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