cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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