I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
