Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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