dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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