I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
