just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
