i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
