I just saw a hot homeless man
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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