MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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