you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Drake has all the answers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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