it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
