Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
