So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
