He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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