Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
