everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
