There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
