help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
